Today I got home from France.
FUCK ME WAS IT HARD WORK.
I got onto the Bus from Central Paris to Beauvais. Traffic everywhere. Everybody on the Bus was French, the guy next to me tried communicating with me but failed. My french is so bad, its like watching a retard fucking a doorknob. On the way to the airport we must of seemed like a gay couple. I woke up with my head on his shoulder, he was cool with it, in fact he was just stairring at me like some deranged stalker that has finally come to close contact with his long lost lover. French baguette munching curly haired fuck wit.
Got into the D.I.Y airport. This airport was a pure D.I.Y Airport, At first it seemed like a building made from Lego. Then after closer inspection It was all just portal plasterboard. It must be so easy to make an airport now-a-days, playmobile must make them.
After waiting around for an hour with no Ipod, no Books, no Mags, NOTHING. They called the passengers for the flight to Liverpool to get to there Gate. I was in luck. I was at that gate. I was at the front. I WON. I stood there Leader of the queue, first dibs on a seat, anywhere I wanted. The whole plane was mine for a potential 2 seconds. Result!
They finally called the us all over to board the plane. As I was the leader of the pack it was my duty to get on first, it didn't go well. So I strolled up, she asked for my passport and my boarding pass. Then she goes
"WHERE IS YOUR STAMP?!!" In a horrified french I've just ate some shit kinda way.
I'm like "What stamp?" "What is the stamp?"
Then the french whore shouts on her walky talky "WE HAVE A PASSANGER WITH NO STAMP!" Then her supervisor comes over to check out the phenomena exclaiming out loud "NO STAMP!?" Suddenly from feeling like a superhero to Zero. I went all sheepish and red. Acting like a young boy which has just shit on the teachers knee by accident. "NO?"
Then it started to get worried, radioed the head of security to come over and took a couple of steps away from me. At this point I was really angry because they were talking French to each other and they didn't understand English well. Both just standing there pointing going, It will be ok..
Head of security comes over exclaiming like the other two "NO STAMP?!?" "HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?"
I turned around to see how big the queue was and all the passengers looked at me disapprovingly as in to say, hahaha as if you dont have a stamp, English retard.
The head of security talked me off on the walk of shame, I was so embarrassed, Everybody was looked at me, Everybody in the playmobile Airport. The dude goes to her security staff, did you see his man come through? Then they all checked my passport. Nodding to each other. I didn't have a clue what was going on, and to be honest I still don't know what the stamp was for.
She got me to reinact how I got back security. So I showed them...
They knew I was in a rush, cos my flight was about the leave, so they made me go to the back of the queue. It took 10 minutes to get to the front. I got my stamp YAY. Then went through security. They searched me like a terrorist, Full treatment, full body check. Ultra sensitive metal detector to see if I had a bomb. Then a full bag search. I was FUCKING FUMING. FRENCH PRICKS. After another 5 minutes of me sweating and being brighter than a beetrot they let me go!
I was the last person on the plane, In fact they left the second I sat down. Next to an old smelly french man.
Moral of the story, Get a stamp.
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